Some lingering truths

I’m sorry for being a bad kind of friend.
I’m even more sorry for being a bad kind of lover.

But if we can’t be friends any longer, let’s be nothing at all.
I don’t want to be that bad kind of friend or lover any more.

If we can still be friends, so be it.

Only, you must help me to do just that:
to save a friendship
where my love has failed.

If that cannot be done,
let Time heal what I could not.

That kind of bad dream

This fear always grips me when I stand up in front of the crowd,
will they scurry?
Will they tell me to hurry?
Well, not today, because it seems that everyone’s outside having fun,
yeah, they’re all out there enjoying the sun
and meantime I have to take refuge behind the shades in my room,
there is a trace of impending doom that I can smell in the air.
It is pungent
and I stand here at this pulpit
pleading for your help.
This scent of dead petals is everywhere
inside of me,
there is no death to be found in the meadow
outside of me, because the world spins ‘round still without a sound to declare that I am stuck here like roadkill.
“What are you doing,” they say,
“why don’t you come out and play?”
but they don’t know that there’s something brewing inside of me,
something I need to be doing inside of me,
if I wanna do right by you,
and I wanna do right by me,
I’ve noticed this is no longer about collective identity,
no, this is about dissecting my integrity,
about establishing my own sense of dignity
and I know it’s tough to resist our affinity
for those finicky, jumpy gestures you would make when I tickled you,
and all those other things that I would do to you,
do for you,
every way that I would explore you.
It’s all gone right now.
I ask myself how could this be
just two weeks ago you were with me,
but now I feel that this space is too cramped for you and me,
Now I feel like I need some time for me to see:
whether you and me are meant to be.
People like suggesting and insisting,
“don’t go contesting general thought,
we know it’s hard, but try resisting”
But do you know?
Do you know how I feel right now?
Can’t you see this is a matter of life and death in love?
They say “don’t get derailed, man,
your love failed, man,
just sit back, pop one, and enjoy the ales, man.”
But they don’t see what I see,
they don’t hear what I hear.
These questions seem to resound only in my ears.
What life am I supposed to lead right now?
Should I take back the love I had, or is it something I’m supposed to leave now?
Will I ever be sure that I don’t want to take it back?
And do I really need to wait for another partner in this dance, ‘cause I’m really diggin’ this 8-track.
This song’s gonna end at the 4-minute mark,
I know that,
there’s no way to slow that down, but does that mean that we have to go right now?
Should I walk away, knowing that there’s a sweet kiss of death at the end of this melody?
Or should I just keep slow-dancing because there’s no chance in hell that I’m letting go of this girl’s hand,
I just don’t understand why it’s right for me to let go.


Is dancing not the same anymore?
Is love not the same anymore?
Did they change it while I was sleeping?
Or…
am I still not awake?

I’m not sure if you still read this or not, but if you do, know this:
you deserved so much more than what I wrote for you on this blog.
You deserve it still.
You deserve poems better than the ones written by my hand.
You deserve words sweeter than the ones my lips can utter.
You deserve more than me.
You deserve something so magnificent and fantastic, even Earth doesn’t know what to make of it yet.
Something that the planets haven’t harvested yet.
Something that you can barely imagine.
Something more lovely than whatever lovely thing I tried to give you.

So please, remember this. Remember that you deserved MORE. And that you deserve it STILL.

The (500) Days of Summer attitude of “He wants you so bad” seems attractive to some women and men, especially younger ones, but I would encourage anyone who has a crush on my character to watch it again and examine how selfish he is. He develops a mildly delusional obsession over a girl onto whom he projects all these fantasies. He thinks she’ll give his life meaning because he doesn’t care about much else going on in his life. A lot of boys and girls think their lives will have meaning if they find a partner who wants nothing else in life but them. That’s not healthy. That’s falling in love with the idea of a person, not the actual person.

—Joseph Gordon-Levitt (x)

(Source: la-belle-laide, via iamstillmelia)

We’re fools whether we dance or not, so we might as well dance.

—Japanese proverb

And so I stay

You are larger than life, love…
and at times,
it hurts to crane my neck to simply look at you.
I want to be as grand and as golden as you.
I want to be every bit as graceful.

Here’s a small kiss, love

I’ve given you a love so drowsy and clumsy lately,
but I hope to change that for the better,
starting with this small letter,
and it reads:
you deserve such a lovely thing,
a gift that I haven’t yet begun to understand,
but that I hope to soon give…
because of you.
Because Christmas should be a day for you.

*Beshito*